happy comes from inside

I think happy living at home means building our homes as a reflection of who we are rather then letting our homes and everything that is in them define us.  Do we not let enough stuff around us define us already?  Why add our homes to the mix? 

A friend mentioned to me about not letting a person in her life define who she is.  And I started really thinking about that.  As independent as I may feel at times, I still think of myself in the context of my surroundings including the people in my life, my house, my car, my job or career, the places I go.  But when it comes down to it are we not better served by going back to the basics?  Should we not define ourselves first simply as women or men (and all the complexities that come with that!), part of mankind, creative and emotional beings.  Then we add the layer of the roles that we take on as wife or husband, mother or father, daughter or son, friend, companion.  Even within those roles I think one can lose oneself and let the other person's perception of who we are define us instead of making those decisions for ourselves.  That is an important struggle though.  We should not however struggle with advertising or TV or celebrities or bloggers for that matter who tells us what we should be or buy or what kinds of things we should have in our homes.  That is not worth our time. 

This is all a bit further into 'sociology' than I wanted to go and I think there are more qualified people out there who could shed more light into it than I.  I find that life in general gets more full everyday and every year.  In that vein it is hard for me to ignore the impact that my home has on that fullness and how I can pare down and live more authentically.  The biggest compliment that anyone has ever given me about my home is that they feel comfortable in it and enjoy being there.  If I judge my home based on that, I AM FINISHED, am I not?  What more could I do to it?  Will another coat of paint perfect it?  If I removed the blah taupe carpet and outdated wallpaper border in my dining room would it make it more comfortable?  Maybe, maybe not.  I think the people in my life would feel the same about me as a person regardless of how my dining room is decorated.

I am a designer at heart in every way.  I will never stop appreciating great design and beautiful things (and sharing them with you!), but I hope that I can more often look at it all for the beauty of the creativity behind it.  I will never stop decorating my home but I hope that I can look at it more as a continual process of reflecting myself onto it and not the other way around.  It could all go up in flames in an instant.  I would not want to stand in front of a pile of ashes thinking that everything that defined me is a pile of smoke and ash.

Comments

[Annechovie]

Very well put! You said so many very true things that I think are great for all of us to keep in mind and be reminded of. Truly, we should not defined by what we have or what others dictate. Thank you!

[Whitney Johnson]

I really enjoyed this post. It is your sociology piece blended with your training as an architect and designer which I think makes you very interesting to a television show on homes!

[Max]

nice thoughts. they made me think about the basics. thanks. and good luck in everything you are doing out there!

[Krissy]

I liked this post very much. I have a small apartment with 2 bedrooms, one of which is my craft room/record library/office and therefore a hodge podge. There is only so much wall space and room to decorate in my place. I notice that with the things that really appeal to me on the blogs and in magazines that it is not just the items I see, but the space around them, that makes them so appealing. The simplicity of the display. So adding more tchotchkes to what I have will not do that for me, it won't give me a bigger house.

And when I look around my place I mostly like what I see and think maybe the trick is to take some of my treasures away, display less and then bring them back later.

At any rate, buying more decorating items, although fun, doesn't seem necessary, but it is hard to stop feeling like it is. :-)

[Krissy]

I sort of went off on a tangent in my comment. :-7 I don't want you to think I missed the message of this post. As someone who likes stuff so much, it is hard to not expect it to define me, but you are right, aren't we made to be defined by so many things already? The home should be where we are most free.

[Melanie]

Great post! I think it's practically impossible to not define ourselves by the standards of others and society, but it is definitely something to strive for. The more we streamline our lives and homes and get down to basics--the things that reflect who we are and what we believe, the things that make life beautiful--the closer we can get to truly being ourselves. The greatest gift we can give to the world is the gift of ourselves, so we should focus on being the most genuine person we can be. And that first means clearing out the clutter and the unnecessary influences in our lives.

[bethany]

This is a very wise post. I have just begun to realize these facts and it took me a lot longer than it did you! We are visual people so I think our surroundings will always be important in how we feel comfortable but you're right... you're not defined by it. You define it...and life is constantly changing. I am tired of trying to be like everyone else and I just enjoy what I love in my home. (That does include many books and lots of stuffed animals made by friends!!!)

[Kathleen]

So very true. Good post. Thanks.

[Liz]

Beautiful post, with such true words. I think about these issues a lot, especially when going to a friends house for dinner and everything is lovely and so put together, and I get, as my husband says, House Envy. When I come home to our house, I am cozy and comfy, and there are parts and places that I have repainted or re-arranged that make me smile when I come into the room. Our house is about us, not anything else more that that and that's what is most important... and not the newest most wonderful-est pendant lamp that I don't have... Thank you for for such a well written eloquent reminder!

[sulu-design]

Wonderful post, full of things I think about often (Now that I've stopped teaching, who am I? Did my move last year change who I am, since it changed a lot of what I do every day?). I like the idea that a home is never finished, just as a person isn't.

[Candace]

Decorating can be a chore to some. We have to keep in mind about where things are placed and colors for energy purposes, relationships and intimacy.