unexcused absence

Hey There.  No, I haven't given up blogging.  I am just on an unplanned mini-break. 

Here's the deal:
We started trying for a baby in January.  By the end of March I was pregnant.  And nauseous.  And exhausted.  That was the reason for mini-break #1.  Two Sundays ago I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.  That is the reason for mini-break #2.

I have been going back and forth about whether or not I wanted to blog about it.  As I write this I am still unsure as to whether or not I will eventually click on the 'Publish' button.  But I am having bloggers block and feel I need to put this out there and then move on. 

It is not until you have a miscarriage that you find out about everyone else who had one too.  It is just not something that is talked frequently and openly about as it is sad and disappointing and sometimes devastating.  It is physically and emotionally exhausting.  But I guess it is not uncommon.  We take some comfort in knowing that the couples we know that have had miscarriages all have healthy children. But right now I find myself still a bit angry and somewhat jealous of every woman who is pregnant.  Thankfully though, all that is tempered by hope that we'll move forward from this and have a happy outcome the next time.

I watched that program the other night with Michael J. Fox that is a companion to his new book.  I think it was called Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.  He said (and I am totally paraphrasing) that he could focus on the loss (of having Parkinsons) or he could be optimistic that something new will come to fill the hole.  There is a big difference between having Parkinsons and having a miscarriage, but I think what he said holds true for any type or degree of loss that we experience.

Thanks for hanging in there.

Comments

[cindy]

i'm sorry for your loss. i watched michael j. fox on oprah and while being optimistic he did confess to going through an initial period not being so optimistic. although many may have experienced miscarriage (myself included) you haven't, give yourself the grace of experiencing your own emotions you will arrive on the 'other side' as did michael, when you're ready. i'm sure many of your 'followers' will send you wonderful thoughts and words. with much warmth and sincerity, cindy

[Shauna Chapman]

Very sorry to read about your miscarriage. How awful for you. It is common but it doesn't mean it's insignificant nor trivial, you have the right to mourn and be in the dumps. You deserve a break. The future is still yours!!!

[Rachel (Heart of Light)]

Oh, my dear. I am so sorry for your loss - and you're right, it is so much more common than we realize (but no less devastating). I know many, many mothers who have suffered at least one miscarriage. I think the pain and sense of loss is so intense that people tend not to talk about it. Which is unfortunate because it makes everyone feel so alone when they experience it. Be kind to yourself and let yourself mourn.

[Robin]

I am sorry for your loss. It is certainly devastating. I wish doctors would do more to prepare people for it's likely reality as they are beginning the process of trying to conceive. Don't let the stress of it hinder your future efforts. It is nature's way and soon it will be your time. Glad you are back to blogging :O)

[sulu-design]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm thinking of you and your family and hope all is well as soon as it can be.

[v8grrl]

no matter how many people have experienced it loss is never easy, never explainable, and never forgotten.

A time to cry and remember, and it's ok to be angry, and upset...and don't ever fell that you can't talk about it...people need to talk.

I'm so sorry. we will still be here after your break.

[joy]

I am sorry for your loss as well. Know that that baby is in his or her Creator's hands and that He loves you so much too!

[bethany]

We're sending loving thoughts your way, to both you guys!! You know that. I think I need that book because basically I'm an idealist who then dwells in pessimism when things aren't easy, though I call it realism. The older I get, the more I see how there is a balance to life... when things are really crappy, you just know the good stuff is on the horizon! {{hugs}}} abundantly!!!!
xo Bethany

[moon]

I myself have never miscarried (never pregnant), but as you said, many women have endured such a loss; perhaps there can be a sliver of comfort in that? In knowing that while you have to go thru it alone, you're not really alone, somehow? I've heard it's somewhat more common, prior to 1st full-term child. Dear friends of mine tried for 9yrs.. and finally @ age 37 now have a healthy little bugger.

My own mother gave birth to: two sets of x3 kids, as I like to tell it (stay w/me here..). We popped out something like this: Boy-girl-boy (3.5yrs-2yrs to the day-3yrs, in between, that is), then a 5yr "gap", then.. again, boy-girl-boy (3.5yrs-2yrs to the day-3yrs). In that 5yr "gap", Mom miscarried @ 6mos. Just like that. Somehow, we're all convinced we have a sister that just didn't quite make it. Since we can imagine our family no other way than our terribly neurotic selves, we view our 'long lost siter' as.. the normal one! :)

I am so sorry for your loss...

As to writing about it, isn't that the truth, though.. hard to know what to share. Or exactly when. But, if you pushed 'publish'.. then it was the right thing to do, at just the right time. Prayers your way for comfort and future Rejoicing (God is merciful)! Take greatest care of you..(and rant anytime you need.. I'm new to this blog world.. but will bookmark your lovely site..)

[moon]

*eek* sorry so long.. good thing i don't have a blog of some sort of my own yet.. i'd drone on for a donkey's age! -best

[Jennifer]

I'm sorry, too. It's important that you give yourself however long you need to mourn and then to ease yourself back into your normal life. It's a different time frame for everybody. Do whatever feels right for you.

And yes, miscarriages are a lot more common than you would think, so know that you are not alone. And know that we're thinking about you, too.... ((hugs))

[kathleen]

I'm sorry to read this. My sister had a couple of miscarriages, but, in time, ended up with two great kids. It happens, but it is difficult. Take care.

[erinn]

Thanks, Kathleen. I hope everything is going well with the house!